The Silent Epidemic: Why 1 in 4 Men Are Dying Inside (And The "Side-by-Side" Cure)

I can’t help but notice an interesting fact about the world...

We are more "connected" online than at any point in human history. You can see what your high school buddy had for breakfast in high definition. Yet, somehow, we are more disconnected on a personal level than ever before.

If you feel isolated, you aren’t crazy. And you definitely aren’t alone in feeling that way.

Recent stats suggest that 1 in 4 men experience loneliness on a daily basis. That’s 25% of us walking around without a real squad, without that "iron sharpens iron" circle that we need to truly thrive in life.

The problem is, as men, we try to fix this isolation the wrong way, or we bury ourselves in work and pretend it doesn't matter.

On this week’s episode of The Modern Man Podcast, I sat down with Bryan Kaplan. Bryan is a tech founder, a husband, a father, and the CEO of VRV Athletics: an app built specifically to cure this loneliness epidemic.

We dove deep into the psychology of why modern men are struggling to make friends, and he dropped a framework for work-life balance called the "Glass Ball Theory" that completely changed how I view my priorities.

If you’re new to a city, working remotely, or just feeling like you’re white-knuckling life alone, you need to read this.

The Failure of "Face-to-Face" Bonding

So here’s the first issue… Why is making friends as an adult man so incredibly awkward?

We’ve all tried the Meetup groups where you exchange numbers with 15 guys named Mike and never call them. Some of us have even tried apps like Bumble BFF.

Bryan shared his experience with those apps on the show: “I tried it one time. It comes down to that awkward introduction. You have a match and say, ‘Hey, what’s up?’ You don’t know the intent. It’s just weird.”

It feels weird because it goes against our evolutionary wiring.

Here is the counter-intuitive truth:

Men do not bond face-to-face. We bond shoulder-to-shoulder.

We don't build deep connections by sitting across a coffee table staring into each other's soul and talking about our feelings (at least not at first). We bond through shared adversity and shared activity.

We bond on the golf course, on the basketball court, or while trying not to get punched in the face at Muay Thai practice. We need a third object to focus on together.

If you are lonely, stop trying to "meet people." Start trying to learn a skill alongside other people. The connection will happen organically in the gaps between the action.

The "Glass Ball Theory" of Work-Life Balance

We can’t talk about male isolation without talking about the grind.

Too often, we sacrifice our social health and our families on the altar of our careers. We tell ourselves we’re doing it for them, but we end up alienated from them. (So sad how that works…)

How do you build a business, maintain a marriage, raise kids, and still have time for a squad?

Brian dropped the "Glass Ball Theory," a concept taught to him by a mentor, and it’s brilliant in its simplicity.

Imagine life is a constant act of juggling balls. You are juggling work, health, wife, kids, friends, hobbies. It’s overwhelming.

The secret isn't to juggle faster. The secret is knowing what the balls are made of.

• Plastic Balls: If you drop these, they bounce. No permanent damage. (These are things like a missed email, a delayed project at work, or skipping a workout).

• Glass Balls: If you drop these, they shatter. They are nicked, scuffed, or broken forever. (These are your marriage, your relationship with your children, and your core health).

As Brian put it: “My family is a glass ball. I will never drop it. VRV athletics [my company] is a plastic ball. If I drop it, it bounces. But if I drop the glass ball, it shatters.”

You have to identify your glass balls. When push comes to shove, you must let the plastic bounce to save the glass.

Mental Health = Social Health + Physical Health

We tend to overcomplicate "mental health." We think it’s only about therapy or journaling. Those are great tools, but Brian simplified it in a way that really resonated with me:

Your mental health is just your social health plus your physical health.

If you are isolated (poor social health) and sedentary (poor physical health), your mental health will tank. It’s inevitable.

This is why Brian built VRV Athletics. It’s not a dating app. It’s a tool designed to get you active and get you connecting shoulder-to-shoulder with guys at your same skill level—whether you’re a scratch golfer or you’ve never held a pickleball paddle in your life.

The Mission: Don't Go It Alone

Look, the remote work lifestyle and the convenience of the modern world are making us comfortable. My wife and I survived living in a 1300-square-foot home during the pandemic. We got comfortable being isolated.

But comfort is not where growth happens.

You need to put wind in your sails. You need community. You need to identify your glass balls and protect them at all costs.

Check out the full episode with Bryan Kaplan to hear the whole story, and if you’re looking for your squad, download VRV Athletics and start bonding side-by-side.

Everybody wants the sunshine, but nobody wants the rain. You can't get the pleasure without first facing the pain of stepping out of your comfort zone.

Let's grow.

Links & Resources:

• Listen to the full episode on [Apple Podcasts] / [Spotify]

• Download VRV Athletics on [iOS] or [Android]